Reproduced from PDF Below:
Dear Attractive Female:
Re: Lawyer X; Sexual Harassment Waiver
My client proposes that you enter into an Agreement with him whereby he is free to sexually harass you without recourse. The purpose of this Agreement is to allow both of you to interact freely without fear of job-related persecution. This Agreement will ensure that your social interactions will engender optimal utility for both parties involved.
Please ensure that the following Agreement signed:
All signatures are in black ink
...................
If you have any questions, please feel free to discuss this matter with me over an alcoholic beverage of your choosing.
SEXUAL HARASSMENT WAIVER
I, the undersigned ___________, hereby acknowledge that I relinquish my right to sue XXX LLP, XXX LLP affiliates, Lawyer X, any future employers of Lawyer X, or any other entity in the event that Lawyer X sexually harasses me. I also relinquish my right to petition XXX LLP, XXX LLP affiliates or any future employers of Lawyer X in the event that he sexually harasses me. Furthermore, I, the undersigned, will not communicate that I have been sexually harassed by Lawyer X to any in the employment of, including under contract to, XXX LLP, XXX LLP affiliates or any future employers of Lawyer X, nor will I prejiducially in anyway undermine Lawyer X's performance reviews or career advancement. I also agree that I will not disclose to the Worker's Compensation Board, any other governmental or employment agency, or any human rights, "feminist", or any other not-for-profit advocacy group, or the media, including, but not limited to, radio, television, newspapers, magazines and advertisements, and billboards, that I have been sexually harassed by Lawyer X. If, as a result of Lawyer X sexually harassing me, my performance at work suffers or I am absent for short or extended periods of time, I will claim to be ill.
Sexual harassment is defined, but not limited to, objectionable comments of a sexual or derogatory nature directed at me, my family or sexual partners; touching of the mammery glands, buttocks, genitalia or any touching which may reasonably be interpreted as sexual in nature; requests that the undersigned perform sexual favours or acts, show his or her breasts to win prizes, wet his or her t-shirt or other clothing and other such related requests; any moves meant to escalate sexual contact which have not reasonably been objected to; and, any threats, implications or other gestures and communications which lead the undersigned to believe that his or her job or promotion may be conditional upon allowing the sexual harassment to persist. I have read and acknowledged the definition of sexual harassment ___ (initial).
I, the undersigned, hereby acknowledge the receipt of $1.00, and other good and valuable consideration, such as the continued love and affection of Lawyer X _____ (initial). I also hereby acknowledge that the intention of this document is to allow Lawyer X to behave unencumbered in my presence and to continue to provide entertainment in my dull life. This document has substantial utility for me, and I therefore intend this document to be legally binding ____ (initial). I also promise not to disclose the existence of this document, or any details therein, notwithstanding times of war and Acts of God, without the permission of Lawyer X. I also agree that if I contravene this Agreement, I will pay, as damages to Lawyer X, the present value of his future earnings resulting from his termination or limitations imposed on his career advancement, as calculated by an impartially selected actuary____ (initial).
If any of the terms or conditions of this Agreement are unenforceable, they are to be severed without prejudice to the other terms and conditions of this Agreement.
Signing Date
Witness
Signature
Public Offender
65 comments:
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did you mean "write" your own shit?
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